As winter walks my way…

Frost drops crystal clear
Wait for someone to drop them
With the ice, sharp as stiletto
Unintentionally wanting to melt
The solitude of trees

Rebuffing solace
Adding to bitter chillness

climbing up the spine
As winter walks my way…
Arrived a silvery filling
Freezing time with its trifiling strength
Signifying its presence more than the sun
Averring its momentary aura
Very much immortal

The Unforgiven...

Nothing in this world is completely wrong.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day…

These words keep ringing into his head when he crosses his last few breath. Having justified the gaffe of everyone he wonders why he must not be pardoned. For he is a mere sinning creature. But now all of this makes no difference to him, for his son identified him as a sinner. His life means nothing more. Though he tries to say this to calm his mind his soul craves for something more, exhibiting such an obvious human behavior. He craves for the green paddy fields. For the waterfalls so close, that he can feel the softness of each drop. For the love of his people which seems nothing more than history. His soul, unsatisfied, is unable to forgive him. Caught in a nasty battle between his mind and soul he decides to climb the dais and give up on all that he wants. Tears wish to trickle down but alas, none are left. He tries to understand the incomplete story of his life. But the clock ticks his life away. With no more time to ponder, a scenario he never even dreamt of he closes his eyes and says the last few words…

Nothing in this world is completely wrong.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day…

Thank you...

Being mere mortal creatures trying to accomplish immortal tasks we run, we work, we race against time with unfortunately no time to thank. Here's a thank you note for all those who made me what I am today and hope to see me still better. I owe a lot to you. Thanking you all...
Thank you mom,
for those early morning wakes
and the late night sleep
for none but me...

Thank you dad,
for giving me all that I wanted
and even more than I ask
leaving your dreams and wishes incomplete...

Thank you sis,
for the cute lil' fights we have
for always loosing for me
and granting me the merely lasting happiness...

Thank you teacher
for throwing me outside the class
and helping me become
Miss.Cool at school...

Thank you Mr.X,
for your corner eyed glance
which always made me blush...

Thank you buddy,
for you have been my everything
my past, present and my future
thank you for that loan for lays
those birthday gifts
those compliments for new clothes
for ragging me and being ragged
those unreasonable fights
those words geniunely from the heart
for your shoulders to cry upon
for those tears shed for me; priceless...

Thank you 'Rules'
for making me realize my potential
and helping me break those barricades

Thank you pen
for letting my stagnant thoughts
overflow as meaningful words...

Thank you pillow,
for being my best room-mate
and bearing those silent night tears...

New hopes...

A world of theirs
A world of mine
No bridge built in time to link...
A dream of theirs
A hope of mine
Puzzled stand souls
unknown to go whereby...
They scream
I shout
we cry; tears spout
I slam the door
they knock it,
I lock it
Hunger strike for supper
And both stand misunderstood
And the lil' lamb wishes to jump over the cordon
To enter a world of green pastures...

A woman’s woe

With deep pain hidden in her heart
Which reflects in her eyes unknown to herself
She sheds down those pearly white drops of grief…
The morning sun’s golden rays
Sweeps away the watery soreness
which she held back all night

Unable to hold back the woe of a woman

the evening sun throws it across the infinite

which comes down as droplets of rain

Regionals- a fun day to remember!

It was not the usual school mornings where my mom has to literally kick me out of the bed. I couldn’t sleep last night properly. Obviously. My teacher called me the previous day and told me that I’ll be going for the regional level social science exhibition for project explanation. I had to explain about rain water harvesting, nuclear power plants and ocean thermal energy conversion and it took me a whole day to actually by heart these names. Ask me to explain about the resource availability at causeway (which happens to be a shopping centre), or a nutritional fast food from KFC or McD’s I’d be glad to. But RWH, nuclear, thermal, conservation, energy…things were going above my head.
I left my house at 5:45 am (which happens to be my midnight in holidays) took the first bus at 6:00am (106 ki jai ho!) and reached the venue at 6:45am. I, like the stupidest person on earth reached the school before the watchman did and stood for 45 mins, jobless.
Just then a girl who looked at least a couple of years older to me came and spoke to me “excuse me didi? Are you from K.V.Colaba-3” didi? Did she just call me didi? I got pissed off and replied very rudely. “You have any idea of which class I study in? I’m just in 10th!” her answer made me shut my mouth “so what? I’m only in 9th.” Omg! Where have I landed?! In that hustling and bustling crowd I finally found sandhya, my closest buddy who is sensible (it’s the biggest compliment you get after coming to these places! Lolz…).
We both found our room number and praise lord we were put in rooms opposite each others’. People came and people went. I was speaking like this nonstop fm radio and the worst part was that people were least interested. Its so bugging when you put your efforts in mugging up stuffs you are least bothered about, give a smiling face and answer their highly frustrating questions about the project when you have ‘no’ idea of what you are speaking about. The worst part was, every time I open my lunch box to stuff something into my mouth, some or the other person would come to visit the projects. After a while I got so irritated that I started explaining things in an I-don’t-give-it-a-damn manner. That was how I was explaining to a guy who didn’t look like the judge. I infact told him that I wont be able to show him the working of the nuclear power plant, as the guy who was supposed to do that was not present at the vicinity. Later I found out that he was a journalist. I somehow explained it to his colleague who accompanied him as well.
Finally for sometime nobody came. Our teachers went to have lunch and we were alone. Off, I and sandy ran outside the room and started roaming around the school (or should we tag it factory as it was that huge). Result of roaming around in an unknown place, which is so confusing, both of us got lost and couldn’t find the way back to our respective rooms. We somehow asked the way and reached. Luckily nobody came in the meanwhile. And here comes the best part…we got to meet Mr.Tushar Gandhi, the great grandson of Mahatma Gandhi. He was so sweet and inquisitive. Finally there was somebody who bothered to listen to us! After he left, we were made to sit for two hrs for no reason. It was high time they’d let us go. Sandy and I left the school (at last!) and my teacher offered us a drop at the bus stand. The bus stand was right opposite CCD. We both treated ourselves a good cup of coffee and went back to the bus stand. We took the very next bus, got down at electric house, crossed the regal signal without giving a damn to the traffic, had a hot chocolate fudge ice cream at McD's, waited at the regal bus stop, took our all time favourite ‘106’ bus and came back home with loads of fun stuff to remember.

The decission i never cribbed about...

On my first day to my new school, I was extremely apprehensive. I had no idea of how I’d find the people and most importantly, of how they’d find me. As I entered the class the first time my first three impressions about them disappointed me the most:
a) English- it’s nothing more than the chapters in our text book. (and forget about vocabulary!)
b) Common sense- oh! What bird is that?
c) I love Imran Hashmi and Himesh Reshamiya
I could bare the first two but not the last one. Speaking against those two people would start a severe riot in the class. And when I spoke to them in english at first they started looking at me like some weird sea creature! Sad and disappointed I sat by myself in a corner of a class with a silly looking girl. Later I was told by my classmates that she has a habit of slitting her wrist when she is depressed (which happens every alternate day.) I had only one fear inside me…what if she gets too depressed and slits my wrist instead of hers??? Weird thoughts like this started brewing up inside my mind. I knew I had to find another place to sit!!!
At the end of the day, mom came to pick me up from school. She asked me how my day was. And I told her about every single thing that happened (including the riots!) I felt like I was put in a zoo, full of crazy and ill-mannered creatures, with only one difference…none of them were put in a cage. Day 2 passed, day 3 did and so did day 4. All of them seemed worse. Not even a single moment made me feel good. I had no clue that I would find I friend for life that day! When I was coming back home I saw one girl in the bus. She looked like my age. Decently dressed. And most of all she looked sensible. I was apprehensive to go and speak to her. My mom literally pushed my out of seat. I went and spoke to her.
“Tamilian?” she questioned me. “Yes. And you?” I asked. “me too.” I spoke next “Hi I am Pavithra.” she replied “Hi I am Sandhya.”

A Friend For Eternity...

Remember all the times you go to your native place for a function and meet all of your relatives? Especially those far off relatives like your mom’s sister’s husband’s brother’s son’s father-in law? They often come to you and throw really stupid and annoying questions. The most commonly faced one is “remember me? The last time I saw you, you were just a year old.” DUH! I don’t remember what I ate last night and you expect me to remember things that happened 15 years ago???
But this time when I went to my native, people asked me and my sis a different question. “Are you both twins?” they pointed at me and my sis. I had to explain them that my sis was five and a half yrs older to me. . Not one, not two but every alternate person asked us this question. After a while I got annoyed.
But just a few minutes back, I was looking at a picture of me and my sis and to my surprise I did find a few similarities in us. We have the same eyes, the same chubby cheeks, and the same face cut! I then, started counting the similarities in our characteristics. God fearing, silly, funny, people loving and so much more. It’s just that she is an introvert and I’m an extrovert.
We went to electronics’ showroom a few days ago and I realized that we had the same liking as well! Both of us liked the same digicam and disliked mom’s idea of buying a fruit juicer!
All this while when people said that we are alike I protested and said that we are different. But now I realize that we are ‘differently alike’. It’s like the waves and the shore…both are different elements of the sea but construct the beauty of the sea. And both cannot exist in each other’s absence.
I remember mocking my sis saying that I’ll be the happiest person if she’d get married and leave. But now my conscience hurts me for lying. I don’t know where I’d be without her. At this point I remember what my closest buddy sandhya said once, “You do not understand the value of the greatest asset you have until you loose it.” But I’m happy to realize the truth beforehand.
This is a very personal article. It’s a tribute I pay to my greatest asset (though the word is too small to describe you.) you have made my day, made my world, made ‘me’. I have always looked up to you not only as a sis and a guide, but also as a friend, for all eternity. I take the privilege to proclaim to the world that I love you, more than any worldly creature. I have a lot of emotions to exhibit. Love, gratitude, shame, pride, for all that you have done for me I have done merely anything.
I don’t think my sis will ever come across this article. And I wont let her know about all of this either. I’ll be the same old I-don’t-give-it-a-damn Pavithra. But somewhere beyond these words, papers and pens she knows my love for her and loves me too…

The unspoken words (part 1)- Truth...

Being a teenager, I think about the time, not too long ago, when me and my friends at school, were taught proverbs (if that’s the perfect word I may use). We were literally made to mug-up those meaningful sentences, without explaining their meaning. We were told that ‘truth always wins’ through a goat and a lion story. But those stories merely made any difference in our attitude. ‘BORING’ was the thought that brew up in our mind. It’s pretty obvious, when a fifty year old woman, who was absolutely unaware of our generation, comes to 'preach' in a literal manner, we would be least interested.
But now that I am a little more mature and look at world beyond games and cartoons, I wonder what could have been the purpose of my teachers to have ‘taught’ us about truth. What is truth anyway? Is it just the other side of false? Or something beyond that which none of us never realized.
It amuses me when a scientist tries to invent something, with the help of the existing stuffs, the world puts him on cloud 9. But has anybody ever made an attempt to discover answers to such abrupt questions? Even if one in a million takes the chance to dedicate his life to finding answers to such questions the world would give him a tag of ‘philosophical freak’.
It disgusts me in a way that we people have become so downtrodden, that schools have started teaching children about truth. It was supposed to be a quality inherited by every human being. It was a trademark for the human species. But have we become so inhuman today???
In my perception truth does not merely mean ‘not to lie’. Lying for a good cause in itself is truth. Truth does not mean taking a vague oath to ‘serve the country’, everyday in the school’s morning assembly. Refusing to take the oath knowing that we won’t follow it, in itself is truth. Truth does not mean donating money to orphanages for publicity. A silent prayer, unknown to the world, in itself is truth.
Truth, which is an indispensable part of our life, is overtaken by the false- more known as ‘the worldly reputation’. Is it so necessary for us to wear the mask of reputation and let our own identity go down? It is not possible to be true to everyone in the outside world. But the day you are true to your own consciousness, the day you are true to yourself, the day you are true to the creator, the world can be proclaimed ‘true’.
I don’t know how truth looks like, but I definitely wouldn’t want false to take over the world. While the quest for truth would continue and so would my words, I would prefer, until the, to not be false...

9th February, the tragic day.

The first time in my life, I woke up in the morning all by myself. It felt weird. The house seemed unusually quiet. I turned around to see if my sister was asleep. But I was alone in the room. I looked at the watch and it was 6:30 am. I let out a huge yawn and tried to remember what happened the previous night. My head started aching. I remembered, mom sitting worried next to my sis. So was I. We got a call saying that anni’s blood pressure was highly fluctuating. I hoped nothing unfortunate happened. I peeped into the hall, not letting mom know I was awake. I held the room screen tight and prayed for everything to be normal; just like everyday. But something in my heart said it wasn’t. I slowly slipped back into my room and opened my bathroom door to brush my teeth. I felt someone entering the room. “Oh god. Please make it not be what I think it is. Prove my wrong for once.” But by the time I could finish pleading god for things to be alright my sis said, “Pavi, anni is no more.” Oh no… I finally heard what I prayed I shouldn’t. Maybe, I should have been quicker in my prayer. What if it is a dream? What if none of this is happening? What if I wake up and it is 1st February and everything becomes normal? My heart pleaded to see every sort of possibility to bring her back alive. I tried to console myself falsely.
Whom do I cry for? The nine day old baby she left behind? My brother who lived with her for only 11 months? My anni’s parents for loosing their daughter who was just 30? Or my anni herself??? Whosoever I cry for, my tears are now vague. Tears trickled down my cheek. And they wouldn’t stop. I tried to calm myself but didn’t know how. What will happen to her daughter? What will happen to my brother? Thousands of questions ran in my mind. My head ached even more now. I wanted to go somewhere. Somewhere far away where I could spend sometime with myself, trying to find a reason for such a thing to happen.
I came to the living room when mom told us that only she will be able to go. I can’t see my anni for the last time? This is the worst thing that can happen to anybody. I went back to my room and sat in front of the window. I tried to adore nature like I do every morning but my heart was filled with anger against it. I finally broke out. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was no more. Memories from the past hovered in my mind. I wished for once to have magical powers where at the flick of my finger things would be normal. But it wouldn’t. I realized I have never cried so much in my life. I cried for everything happening around me. It was the safest way to let my emotions out. Vaishu finally stopped crying and came into the room. But after seeing me she burst out into tears again.
For once in my life I was angry with god. I was questioning him why all of this happened. I felt a weird emotion. I didn’t know to explain. I wanted to tell my sorrows to someone strong enough to console me. Mom was busy with booking tickets and stuff. Vaishu broke out to me. I had to be strong. At least for vaishu. Mom packed her bag and the four of us left to the airport. I wanted to go with mom. I held her sari tightly. I prayed for a miracle to happen. I didn’t know what that was, but I wanted something good to happen.
We reached the airport. People were hustling here and there. I tried to see how many were going in a situation like ours. Not many. Mom took her ticket and went ahead for check in. I saw her till she disappeared in the crowd. My throat was heavy. But I couldn’t cry. My eyes were dry. Dad asked if we wanted a pack of lays. Vaishu shook her head positively but I refused. I questioned god why… I looked through the glass window trying to find mom but failed. I walked in the now deserted airport still questioning him. I felt him giving me a content smile as though I knew the answer. Maybe some questions are better left unanswered. Or maybe, some questions have no answer?!#

My day at the Jawahar Bal Bhavan

It was just another day at school. Me and my friends were chatting (as usual) but were alert in case any teach stepped into the class. It was social studies; a subject I hate!! The icing on the cake was my strict teacher...phew! As she entered a sudden silence fell in the class. For a moment an odd air surrounded the class. She sat down. Surprisingly, she wouldn't teach! She was going through a paper and seemed a little frustrated. Peeping through her thick glass she scanned the class with her ultra refinery eyes. Unfortunately i was caught in the filters! "Pavithra, please come here" she called me out. For a moment i felt as if i were a little lamb stuck with a butcher. The paper from far looked like my rustication letter. Come on man; I wouldn't want to be thrown out of my new school in the very first month! Did I forget to submit any project? did i break the school rules? Thousands of thoughts ran across my mind like ants running in search of food at the end of a BBQ."Please pack your bag and leave." I was about to faint right there. With a lot of difficulty i made the courage to bring back my voice. "Excuse me ma'am?" i tried to be the politest person on earth. "The jawahar bal bhavan competition for which you had applied is prepone to today. The competition will start at 10:00 am" phew with a huge sign of relief I looked at the watch. 9:50 am! WHAT! The rustication letter would have been better!!!Without saying a word i stuffed all books back into my bag in 20secs (broke my own record!), ran to my escort, called up mum and told her to come to the venue and ran downstairs to write an excuse letter to the princi for leaving school early. My class teacher, an angel on earth saw me downstairs. She packed my bag neatly, wrote the letter to princi and helped me get my nerve back. 9:58 am. It seemed like a race against me and the clock and the clock gave me an evil smile.I had not prepared at all as the original date was a week ahead. My school councilor gave me a few tips to regain my confidence. I was in the principal’s office clutching my bag very tight. My principal just then called up the venue and informed that I’ll be late. At last; one of my problems was solved. I had applied for performing arts as I love acting. But what am I going to act??? I prayed to god to give me the strength to battle it up and off I ran with my escort to the venue. The venue was far from school but was very close to my house. “Something is better than nothing pavz” I calmed myself.
At first, all the participants were divided into two groups and were given a topic to prepare a skit. “Problems in a rural family on the birth of a girl child” they announced our topic. All of us liked it. We found it quite interesting. And the other team got “unity in diversity.” What rubbish! We are given such a complicated topic and they are given this one! “You have 15mins to prepare for your skit.” 15MINS??? What on earth is wrong with this day? I’m getting constant heart attacks right from morning.
We all ran upstairs to our rooms. We had a quick introduction. Some people were very quiet. So I, aditi, gauri, anirudh, raghav, sagar and abhay took charge of making the story. By the time we allotted the characters the bell rang. WHAT! No more time! But we haven’t even started yet! We decided to put up the best we could. We all came downstairs with a lot of confidence on our face. Please people! We knew the reality. As I entered the room I saw mom sitting amongst the audience. Finally there was someone in the crowd I knew!
With a lot of difficulty we all put up a play. And it was farley decent. Things seemed to turn better. Vaishu and mom sat on the first floor with the other parents. We were sitting in the lawn. To my surprise we bonded very well. Each of us possessed a unique talent. Aditi was an awesome singer. Aniruddh played the mridang. Raghav was an amusing actor. A replica of Mr. Bean. Sagar looked huge but turned out to be an amazing western dancer. Gauri was a trained classical dancer. And I was a singer and an actor.
Next we had to do an individual performance. I didn’t bother much about acting but what do I sing? I quickly practiced a classical saraswati vandana and a light music piece. I remembered moaning when my music teacher used to teach us the song but it ultimately it helped me a lot. Just then all of us heard a melodious male voice. The voice was so soothing. All of us went to the library from where the voice came from. It was abhay’s. his sister was a fame-x finalist. A musical family! All of us were very happy as well as very tensed.
They called out my number. I clutched my handkerchief very tightly and stood before the room. For a moment the door of the room looked the haunted door in the movie chandramukhi and I heard a voice faintly calling me “Ra Ra” (lolz).
They gave me a topic and told me to act on it. I acted effortlessly just as I do at home! I told them that I could sing both classical as well as light music. Surprisingly they told me to sing both. They didn’t interrupt me in the middle regarding any wrong notes. I was happy. I took the participation certificate and was told I would be informed the next day if I was selected for the next level.
I walked out of the building and my tummy groaned badly!!! We went to sukh sagar and I had a veg pizza there. My heart was content. Just like the glass of water before me. I wasn’t cribbing about my chances of winning. I was thankful to god to have given me the strength to battle the day successfully. I don’t know if I would have been happier if I won the balashree award. All I learnt in today’s lesson was- Talent is everywhere. It might be much more than mine. Whatsoever be its amount, respect it.

On the contrary

They built houses, to live warm,

but left me outside shivering.

They built roads, to move forward,

but left me behind solitary.

They built ships to sail ahead,

but left me to drown.

They put their smart ides forth,

but only let me watch.

This city, is a city of dreams

for many. they say its true.

But I'm a failure, they left me back,

in a night that is black and blue.

I wish..

I wish I were a cat

and had nine lives

I'd cherish every one of them

I wish I were a mouse'

to find the smallest hole

and run through difficulties

I wish I were a Monkey

to jump with joy; tension free

and sway around time

I wish I were a butterfly

to be away from the 'TREND'

and wear my own clothes

I wish I were an ant

unseen and unheard

but still a part of this world

I wish I were a human

to live amongst human

for now I am with beasts.

My companion

A company I behold to walk the shores

An imprint of foot to guide me my way

A hand to hold for warmth in needs

My friend that is. Friendship I feel...

A word when uttered comforts my ears

A face when seen delights me the most

A relationship in this world which is made; not happened

My friend that is. Friendship I feel...

In every stge of life who supports me the most

With whom every moment in life I cherish

For whose long life Ipray each day

Myfriend that is. Friendship I feel...