9th February, the tragic day.

The first time in my life, I woke up in the morning all by myself. It felt weird. The house seemed unusually quiet. I turned around to see if my sister was asleep. But I was alone in the room. I looked at the watch and it was 6:30 am. I let out a huge yawn and tried to remember what happened the previous night. My head started aching. I remembered, mom sitting worried next to my sis. So was I. We got a call saying that anni’s blood pressure was highly fluctuating. I hoped nothing unfortunate happened. I peeped into the hall, not letting mom know I was awake. I held the room screen tight and prayed for everything to be normal; just like everyday. But something in my heart said it wasn’t. I slowly slipped back into my room and opened my bathroom door to brush my teeth. I felt someone entering the room. “Oh god. Please make it not be what I think it is. Prove my wrong for once.” But by the time I could finish pleading god for things to be alright my sis said, “Pavi, anni is no more.” Oh no… I finally heard what I prayed I shouldn’t. Maybe, I should have been quicker in my prayer. What if it is a dream? What if none of this is happening? What if I wake up and it is 1st February and everything becomes normal? My heart pleaded to see every sort of possibility to bring her back alive. I tried to console myself falsely.
Whom do I cry for? The nine day old baby she left behind? My brother who lived with her for only 11 months? My anni’s parents for loosing their daughter who was just 30? Or my anni herself??? Whosoever I cry for, my tears are now vague. Tears trickled down my cheek. And they wouldn’t stop. I tried to calm myself but didn’t know how. What will happen to her daughter? What will happen to my brother? Thousands of questions ran in my mind. My head ached even more now. I wanted to go somewhere. Somewhere far away where I could spend sometime with myself, trying to find a reason for such a thing to happen.
I came to the living room when mom told us that only she will be able to go. I can’t see my anni for the last time? This is the worst thing that can happen to anybody. I went back to my room and sat in front of the window. I tried to adore nature like I do every morning but my heart was filled with anger against it. I finally broke out. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was no more. Memories from the past hovered in my mind. I wished for once to have magical powers where at the flick of my finger things would be normal. But it wouldn’t. I realized I have never cried so much in my life. I cried for everything happening around me. It was the safest way to let my emotions out. Vaishu finally stopped crying and came into the room. But after seeing me she burst out into tears again.
For once in my life I was angry with god. I was questioning him why all of this happened. I felt a weird emotion. I didn’t know to explain. I wanted to tell my sorrows to someone strong enough to console me. Mom was busy with booking tickets and stuff. Vaishu broke out to me. I had to be strong. At least for vaishu. Mom packed her bag and the four of us left to the airport. I wanted to go with mom. I held her sari tightly. I prayed for a miracle to happen. I didn’t know what that was, but I wanted something good to happen.
We reached the airport. People were hustling here and there. I tried to see how many were going in a situation like ours. Not many. Mom took her ticket and went ahead for check in. I saw her till she disappeared in the crowd. My throat was heavy. But I couldn’t cry. My eyes were dry. Dad asked if we wanted a pack of lays. Vaishu shook her head positively but I refused. I questioned god why… I looked through the glass window trying to find mom but failed. I walked in the now deserted airport still questioning him. I felt him giving me a content smile as though I knew the answer. Maybe some questions are better left unanswered. Or maybe, some questions have no answer?!#