Wednesday, April 23, 2008

9th February, the tragic day.

The first time in my life, I woke up in the morning all by myself. It felt weird. The house seemed unusually quiet. I turned around to see if my sister was asleep. But I was alone in the room. I looked at the watch and it was 6:30 am. I let out a huge yawn and tried to remember what happened the previous night. My head started aching. I remembered, mom sitting worried next to my sis. So was I. We got a call saying that anni’s blood pressure was highly fluctuating. I hoped nothing unfortunate happened. I peeped into the hall, not letting mom know I was awake. I held the room screen tight and prayed for everything to be normal; just like everyday. But something in my heart said it wasn’t. I slowly slipped back into my room and opened my bathroom door to brush my teeth. I felt someone entering the room. “Oh god. Please make it not be what I think it is. Prove my wrong for once.” But by the time I could finish pleading god for things to be alright my sis said, “Pavi, anni is no more.” Oh no… I finally heard what I prayed I shouldn’t. Maybe, I should have been quicker in my prayer. What if it is a dream? What if none of this is happening? What if I wake up and it is 1st February and everything becomes normal? My heart pleaded to see every sort of possibility to bring her back alive. I tried to console myself falsely.
Whom do I cry for? The nine day old baby she left behind? My brother who lived with her for only 11 months? My anni’s parents for loosing their daughter who was just 30? Or my anni herself??? Whosoever I cry for, my tears are now vague. Tears trickled down my cheek. And they wouldn’t stop. I tried to calm myself but didn’t know how. What will happen to her daughter? What will happen to my brother? Thousands of questions ran in my mind. My head ached even more now. I wanted to go somewhere. Somewhere far away where I could spend sometime with myself, trying to find a reason for such a thing to happen.
I came to the living room when mom told us that only she will be able to go. I can’t see my anni for the last time? This is the worst thing that can happen to anybody. I went back to my room and sat in front of the window. I tried to adore nature like I do every morning but my heart was filled with anger against it. I finally broke out. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was no more. Memories from the past hovered in my mind. I wished for once to have magical powers where at the flick of my finger things would be normal. But it wouldn’t. I realized I have never cried so much in my life. I cried for everything happening around me. It was the safest way to let my emotions out. Vaishu finally stopped crying and came into the room. But after seeing me she burst out into tears again.
For once in my life I was angry with god. I was questioning him why all of this happened. I felt a weird emotion. I didn’t know to explain. I wanted to tell my sorrows to someone strong enough to console me. Mom was busy with booking tickets and stuff. Vaishu broke out to me. I had to be strong. At least for vaishu. Mom packed her bag and the four of us left to the airport. I wanted to go with mom. I held her sari tightly. I prayed for a miracle to happen. I didn’t know what that was, but I wanted something good to happen.
We reached the airport. People were hustling here and there. I tried to see how many were going in a situation like ours. Not many. Mom took her ticket and went ahead for check in. I saw her till she disappeared in the crowd. My throat was heavy. But I couldn’t cry. My eyes were dry. Dad asked if we wanted a pack of lays. Vaishu shook her head positively but I refused. I questioned god why… I looked through the glass window trying to find mom but failed. I walked in the now deserted airport still questioning him. I felt him giving me a content smile as though I knew the answer. Maybe some questions are better left unanswered. Or maybe, some questions have no answer?!#

Monday, April 21, 2008

My day at the Jawahar Bal Bhavan

It was just another day at school. Me and my friends were chatting (as usual) but were alert in case any teach stepped into the class. It was social studies; a subject I hate!! The icing on the cake was my strict teacher...phew! As she entered a sudden silence fell in the class. For a moment an odd air surrounded the class. She sat down. Surprisingly, she wouldn't teach! She was going through a paper and seemed a little frustrated. Peeping through her thick glass she scanned the class with her ultra refinery eyes. Unfortunately i was caught in the filters! "Pavithra, please come here" she called me out. For a moment i felt as if i were a little lamb stuck with a butcher. The paper from far looked like my rustication letter. Come on man; I wouldn't want to be thrown out of my new school in the very first month! Did I forget to submit any project? did i break the school rules? Thousands of thoughts ran across my mind like ants running in search of food at the end of a BBQ."Please pack your bag and leave." I was about to faint right there. With a lot of difficulty i made the courage to bring back my voice. "Excuse me ma'am?" i tried to be the politest person on earth. "The jawahar bal bhavan competition for which you had applied is prepone to today. The competition will start at 10:00 am" phew with a huge sign of relief I looked at the watch. 9:50 am! WHAT! The rustication letter would have been better!!!Without saying a word i stuffed all books back into my bag in 20secs (broke my own record!), ran to my escort, called up mum and told her to come to the venue and ran downstairs to write an excuse letter to the princi for leaving school early. My class teacher, an angel on earth saw me downstairs. She packed my bag neatly, wrote the letter to princi and helped me get my nerve back. 9:58 am. It seemed like a race against me and the clock and the clock gave me an evil smile.I had not prepared at all as the original date was a week ahead. My school councilor gave me a few tips to regain my confidence. I was in the principal’s office clutching my bag very tight. My principal just then called up the venue and informed that I’ll be late. At last; one of my problems was solved. I had applied for performing arts as I love acting. But what am I going to act??? I prayed to god to give me the strength to battle it up and off I ran with my escort to the venue. The venue was far from school but was very close to my house. “Something is better than nothing pavz” I calmed myself.
At first, all the participants were divided into two groups and were given a topic to prepare a skit. “Problems in a rural family on the birth of a girl child” they announced our topic. All of us liked it. We found it quite interesting. And the other team got “unity in diversity.” What rubbish! We are given such a complicated topic and they are given this one! “You have 15mins to prepare for your skit.” 15MINS??? What on earth is wrong with this day? I’m getting constant heart attacks right from morning.
We all ran upstairs to our rooms. We had a quick introduction. Some people were very quiet. So I, aditi, gauri, anirudh, raghav, sagar and abhay took charge of making the story. By the time we allotted the characters the bell rang. WHAT! No more time! But we haven’t even started yet! We decided to put up the best we could. We all came downstairs with a lot of confidence on our face. Please people! We knew the reality. As I entered the room I saw mom sitting amongst the audience. Finally there was someone in the crowd I knew!
With a lot of difficulty we all put up a play. And it was farley decent. Things seemed to turn better. Vaishu and mom sat on the first floor with the other parents. We were sitting in the lawn. To my surprise we bonded very well. Each of us possessed a unique talent. Aditi was an awesome singer. Aniruddh played the mridang. Raghav was an amusing actor. A replica of Mr. Bean. Sagar looked huge but turned out to be an amazing western dancer. Gauri was a trained classical dancer. And I was a singer and an actor.
Next we had to do an individual performance. I didn’t bother much about acting but what do I sing? I quickly practiced a classical saraswati vandana and a light music piece. I remembered moaning when my music teacher used to teach us the song but it ultimately it helped me a lot. Just then all of us heard a melodious male voice. The voice was so soothing. All of us went to the library from where the voice came from. It was abhay’s. his sister was a fame-x finalist. A musical family! All of us were very happy as well as very tensed.
They called out my number. I clutched my handkerchief very tightly and stood before the room. For a moment the door of the room looked the haunted door in the movie chandramukhi and I heard a voice faintly calling me “Ra Ra” (lolz).
They gave me a topic and told me to act on it. I acted effortlessly just as I do at home! I told them that I could sing both classical as well as light music. Surprisingly they told me to sing both. They didn’t interrupt me in the middle regarding any wrong notes. I was happy. I took the participation certificate and was told I would be informed the next day if I was selected for the next level.
I walked out of the building and my tummy groaned badly!!! We went to sukh sagar and I had a veg pizza there. My heart was content. Just like the glass of water before me. I wasn’t cribbing about my chances of winning. I was thankful to god to have given me the strength to battle the day successfully. I don’t know if I would have been happier if I won the balashree award. All I learnt in today’s lesson was- Talent is everywhere. It might be much more than mine. Whatsoever be its amount, respect it.